One digital download of the New CD + Berg will knuckle-high-five you and buy you a cherry coke or any happy hour drink when he runs into you at a bar gig (and you can provide proof that you forked over the ten bucks) .
Add: One glossy photo of President W.H. Taft marking his golf scorecard.
The beverage + photo of Taft marking his golf scorecard + A personalized signed copy of the New CD + One of those Bergman much feared & loathed triangle Fender guitar picks signed by an author. (Boring, I know. What do I look like? You want thrills you pledge higher up.)
A personalized signed copy of the New CD, the fat Fender pick, Taft again, and an official signed (by Bergman) “Face Follies” illustration (by Bergman), suitable for framing. Still not too excited? How about a Tea Party membership.
For balance, l’ll throw in nine wondrous days of vocalized Catholic Novena: for you or chosen designee.
NOW you’re walkin’ not just talkin’: You get ALL of the above (but no Novena at this level) + A rare 1978 DVD of young pre-pattern baldness Bergman, in concert at Syracuse University as opening act for one of James Taylor’s brothers + one Nine Dinosaur Songs T-Shirt + All 3 CDs from the Bergman Broom catalog.
Same as $100, I have my reasons. I’m wide open to suggestions though.
Ok, are you ready? Everything before this + Two (yes, 2) Limited-edition-pressing Nine Dinosaur Songs T-Shirts + a rare Unreleased-Demo CD of 19 original songs by Bergman, Songs No One Else Likes.
Everything at the $250. level AND! ~~ a Signed Copy of the new coffee-table Bergman Broom Song Lyric Anthology, containing Bergman’s 140 ‘active’ songs, with original illustrations. ~~
Everything else before this + Your Name in lights on the CD “thank you” credits + A pair of hot new PETA-approved DAV Rainboots in your size/fave color, for the trip to my Seattle CD Release party in Fall. (Ok you don’t actually have to come here to get them.)
Everything at the $700. level + a brand new signed wooden Soprano Ukulele.+ I will cook my Signature Apricot Chicken Stir-fry (or NYC Little Italy Sicilian Pizza, but god knows not both at once) for you and up to 7 guests in the kitchen of your choice.
Everything at the $1000. level + One of the flowing: 1- A Bunji or Air Parachute jump. I’ll be on hand to egg you on. Not going anywhere near those friggin’ things. 2- A pass for 90-minute dip in a sensory-deprivation tank at (if there is one) Flotation Center. 3- A rented limousine w/open bar for hopping around this city on a 4-hour Saturday evening crawl. 4- A 50-minute session with a sliding-scale dominatrix, whipping optional + I TAKE AWAY one $200.-level item!
Everything at the $3,000. level + ok, ok: a Bergman House Concert (I caved under pressure) at your or anyone-you-know’s house when touring near (even if they don’t know about it). A paid trip via coach airfare to the Bay Area, then off to be a fly on the wall at a Bergman recording session in San Francisco, where you are then collected in a Limousine and whisked to Hibachi dinner / drinks with Bergman and an entourage of fetching female or male escorts.
You forfeit all of the above (except the signed CD) and instead choose from one: I- We take a flight to LAX, then a car rental to recluse Joni Mitchell’s house on Funchal Drive in the Hollywood Hills ring the bell and see what happens. If she doesn’t answer we go try Neil Young just down the road apiece. III- I prattle on about sex with old girlfriends and how great the 60s were for 30 minutes, while you sit and feign listening attentively. Note: Pick only one! C’mon $6,000. isn’t that much.